I first remember seeing this phrase on an invitation to a 25th wedding anniversary celebration about ten years ago. At the time I didn’t think much of it, after all, Aunt Lorr and Uncle Carl had been blessed with good careers and I understood this to mean that they had everything that they needed - no gifts required. Fast forward a few years to our 25th anniversary party and by that time, we too had all that we needed so I included the phrase on our invitations. Frankly I haven’t given this much more thought over the years, until this week when I saw on Facebook that friends were hosting a birthday party for their little boy, and Dad wrote there was no need to bring a gift as the child had enough for overload already.
Last week my family volunteered to help out with a Christmas party for families of teens who are at risk of dropping out of school because of financial circumstances in the home. The party was great fun, and I really enjoyed seeing how much the kids enjoyed their gifts from Santa as well as the food and entertainment that were provided. As I looked around, the difference in circumstances between the families at the party and my own made me think about the reality of income disparity and the “haves” vs “have-nots” in a way that months of Occupy protests has failed to drive home. These families were certainly on the “have not” end of the spectrum, while we typically enjoy more than enough for overload most days of the year.
You’ve probably heard the same message that I have for years – Stop buying stuff you don’t need with money you don’t have. As our economy struggles out of the Great Recession, this seems to make a lot of sense, yet Money Magazine reported that Black Friday 2011 produced record sales once again. In a land of prosperity, enough for overload just never seems to be simply enough. And yet, how many of us (myself included) can remember the presents we received last December, or even last birthday for that matter? I do, however, remember who was with us to celebrate last Christmas, and the one before that, and last birthday, etc. More often than not, presence trumps presents.
Giving the ‘free’ gift of time is often more difficult than buying that perfect present for the love of your life, or figuring out what to get for that impossible-to-shop-for Dad or brother-in-law. Conversations that employ the art of active listening can be draining. What do I say to my brother, with whom I haven’t spoken since we got in a fight last year? Do I really want to hear about Uncle Ron’s business troubles or about my over-achieving cousin Becky’s latest promotion? And what about those young kids who will want me to actually play with them? Back up – is it really just about me?
Perhaps your brother has been waiting for you to make the first move – maybe he won’t even acknowledge you. Maybe listening to Uncle Ron’s business struggles might spark an idea, suggestion or a contact in your network that could help – maybe he just needs someone to hear him. It could be that Aunt Karen brags about Becky because her success brings her incredible joy and she just wants to share it. And those kids who want you to play basketball or video games? Think back to Christmases of your youth and how the undivided attention of that special cousin, aunt or grandparent was something to which you looked forward and remember this Christmas. Being present in the moment and truly being there gives us the chance to give a gift that makes memories, and might just be remembered as the best of the season.
Our shopping is done and despite a smaller budget, once again we appear to be approaching or at overload status. My husband and I will wrap all of our gifts together, a tradition that we started many years ago and one to which I look forward each Christmas season. And as I think about the many gifts that will be exchanged tonight and tomorrow, the one for which I am most grateful continues to be the presence of family and friends.
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